


"And if you died..."

by sadficstudios



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Blame instagram, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I hate myself for this, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Whump, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, but the one person he wants it from is not there anymore, no really but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-26 23:26:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20397886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadficstudios/pseuds/sadficstudios
Summary: "I feel like that's on me"_________________That one scene in endgame that everyone hates and loves, but it's not Tony....it's someone else.(I'm bad at summaries)





	"And if you died..."

**Author's Note:**

> lol this was PAIN, but I saw something on Instagram about this and I knew it had to be done so thanks Instagram for both my fan fiction ideas hehehe.
> 
> Dedicated to @marvelsmaze on Instagram cause she deserves this dedication. 
> 
> *Also on this account we don't give a fuck about grammar or punctuation because I just don't care enough to re-read my work lel. If that bothers you then LEAVE ( I say in the nicest way possible :3)

_ “And if you died ..” _

The words played in his head as he looked out into the night of New York. The air was cool tonight, the perfect temperature for just sitting outside and thinking about how much you've gained, and how much you've lost. 

Tony looked over the night sky, glass of whiskey in hand and clothes disheveled, looking like he had slept in them. His black tie has been forgotten and his button up white dress shirt crumpled, suit jacket still resting on his shoulders. Tony looks like an absolute mess to put it nicely, and for some reason he couldn't seem to care. He has loss to much over these past five years to even care at this point. 

Sure Tony has also  _ gained _ a lot over these past years, like his wife and daughter, but he's loss so much that he has lost count. 

_ Half of the Avengers team, half of the universe, <strike>Peter. </strike> _

To much loss ways out the good in his eyes right now. Maybe when he wakes up tomorrow he'll think of it differently. The Avengers he had lost, he has seem to found again.  _ Minus one important person that he so much but thanks and has a deeper respect then he already had for this individual for the sacrifices they had made.  _

They had almost gotten all of the universe back. Key word almost. Sure, they had gotten the vast majority of the people back, but even if they were one person missing it feels like they have failed, and they had failed. There is one person missing.  _ One important person _ . 

That important person sacrificed themselves for the literal universe when the universe had given him nothing but shit in the short amount of time that he had lived. That important person sacrificed himself so that half of the population that had disappeared, could continue  _ breathing.  _ Even though he can't anymore. Even though he knew he would never breathe again. 

Tony sighed and ran a hand over his face. He really shouldn't be doing this. Being out here, sitting on the patio at 9 o'clock at night drinking away his pain like he use to do back before  _ everything _ happened. Before he knew what would happen when he got in that car that day to show off his weapons. Oh, how much has changed since then. He should be in bed right now sleeping next to his wife and having his daughter sleeping soundly across the hall from them, happy that they completed their mission. But all he feels is a hole in his chest where his heart should be. He knows it's there, but all he feels is the emptiness of his hearts broken pieces. He knows a part of it will always be broken. The glue that would of fixed it is gone and isn't coming back. 

_ What a day _ , he thinks. The sun had been out and shinnying behind some light clouds while the weather was almost a perfect temperature of 80 degrees. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right, he thinks.  _ What a fucking day for a funeral.  _

When you think of funerals you think of rain and the cold and wind. But of course  _ his _ funeral had to be different. Had to be all sunny and nice and just the perfect amount of wind. The atmosphere also reminded him of the special person. All happy and joyful and innocent.  _ Alive _ . That was one difference now that the weather had to him. His chest ached as that thought traveled through his brain.

He closed his eyes, not willing for the tears to fall and took a sip of the drink in his hand. He winced.  _ Strong _ . He hates his brain for making him think this is what he needs right now, taking another sip. He shouldn't be doing this and he knows it. But having to loss someone for 5 years, have them returned to you only to be taken away again is mentally breaking at it's finest and Tony thinks he is allowed to have a little bit of a break down. By little he means Pepper will probably find him out here passed out on this chair from drinking to much. But being the sweet and amazing women she is he knows all she'll do is put a blanket over him and kiss his forehead goodnight, then going inside to make Morgan her breakfast and get ready for the day, because she understands him. She knows how much he has lost and how  _ important _ this person has become to him. Now that person is buried deep underground along with a piece of his heart. Even though it hurts, he never wishes to get that piece back. 

He sites back in his chair and pulls his eyes closed again, letting the cool wind go in his face to dry the tears that have fallen, and the loneliness he felt creeps up. He can feel himself drifting off into sleep when a male voice from behind him calls out for him. All the guests that had attended the funeral should of left hours ago, so hearing this voice makes him think that maybe his brain is playing tricks on him because it's lonely. 

"You do know that drinking won't bring him back, Tony." the voice of Steve Rogers says and Tony could almost laugh. Almost.

"Yeah I know, but it can't hurt to try" he says as he takes another sip. He can feel Steve walking closer to him and all he wishes is for him to leave. A stern talking to is the last thing he needs right now. Maybe another glass of whiskey is what he needs. Yeah, that sounds good. 

"Now what would Pepper say if she heard you say that?" he can hear the smirk in his voice. He finally turns to see him standing a couple feet in front of him. Steve is still in his perfectly intact suite with his hands in his pockets and just like he thought, he was playing a smirk on his lips. But it wasn't a joyful smirk. Tony could see the sadness behind it and he let his eyes fall back to his whiskey glass.

"What are you still doing here, Rogers? The funeral ended a long time ago, go home wherever that is." Tony says coldly. He doesn't mean to be mean, hell that's the last thing he wants to do right now - lose control of his anger management and emotions - but he's just so tired and he can't bring himself to care. Luckily for Tony, Steve has had to deal with him for a while now and knows when he means it and when he doesn't. He doesn't. 

"I didn't want to leave you alone at a time like this." 

"Really, cause you had no problem leaving me before." There was a tense silence and Tony winced. He really couldn't control his emotions right now, could he? 

"Look Cap, I didn't mean-"

"I know." Steve cut him off. "I'm really not taking anything you say right now seriously"

A smile played at Tony's lips. "When have you ever take what I say seriously?" 

Steve laughed at that and Tony chuckled a bit, a small smile on his lips. But just as fast as the happiness came, it had left and the emptiness was there again. Steve sighed and sat down in the empty chair that was next to him. There was a long silence between the two, neither of them knowing what to say.

"How are you doing, Tony?" Steve finally said and Tony almost found the question amusing.  _ How do you think I'm doing? _

"Well considering that I just had to bury the person that I felt was like a son to me and having to watch his Aunt and friends breakdown over it cause they know they'll never see him again and I know I'll never see him again" he took in a deep breath " I'm doing just fine, how about yourself?" 

They stared at each other for a long second before Tony broke eye contact. He knew he was close to breaking and he knew Steve knew it too. But he'd be damned if he broke down in front of someone, especially Steve Rogers. 

"Tell me about him" 

Tony froze for a second, the breath caught in his throat and his heart aching in his chest."What?"

"Peter. Tell me about him."

"What do you want to know?" Tony couldn't help the break in his voice.

"Well I've met him, but that was as Spider-man, and either way we were kinda fighting each other. So tell me, what was he like?" 

“Steve I can’t-”

“Come on, Tony. I want to know why this kid was-  _ is _ so important to you?”

Tony took a deep breath. He didn’t think he could do this, but he knew Steve wouldn’t let it go or  _ leave _ until he told him. Might as well get it over with. 

“He was nerdy as fuck” Tony said and he could hear Steve chuckle besides him. Tears build up in his eyes as he smiled, trying to give his best description of the person that saved everyone.  _ That saved him. _

“He was so... _ good _ . Just that general feeling of good. Didn’t have a bad bone in his body. He could probably recreate any Star Wars movie you want.” Tony honestly didn’t know where this was going, didn’t know if this is what Steve had meant when he said he wanted to know why Peter was so important to him- but goddamn it these are the reasons  _ why _ Peter was so important to him.

“He was so smart, like genius smart. Made his own web-shooters and web-fluided by hand before I gave him an upgrade, a much needed one.”

“He wanted to use his gifts that he had received for good, even though he didn’t need too. That’s the part that made him special, that he didn’t need to use his powers for good but he did. He had the heart of a hero...as you can tell.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, neither knowing what to say. Steve didn’t know what to say to that. Didn’t know how to react to what Tony told him. The kid seemed  _ great _ . A true hero in the making. But Thanos took that away from him. Can’t continue being the hero that Steve knew, by the things Tony told him, he was. 

Tony didn’t know if he could keep himself from breaking down any longer. Just talking about the kid made memories flood back in his mind that he just wants to lock up in a box and never open. But Peter doesn’t deserve that. He doesn't deserve to be locked in a box and forgotten like everything else that had gone bad in Tony's life. 

Now Tony doesn’t do emotional stuff, he doesn’t like it. The only people he had ever been emotional with where Pepper, Morgan and, well, Peter, and he intended to keep it that way, but something was nagging at him that he just had to let go of. Had to vent to someone about the last moments he spent with the kid.

“He looked at me Rogers” Tony said as his voice broke at the end. He could still see the kids eyes. So full of acceptance and  _ fear _ .

“What are you talking about?”

“Before he did ...it, he looked at me.” Tony looked at Steve and couldn’t be bothered by the tears filling up his eyes.  _ Fuck it _ . If Tony was gonna cry it was gonna be on this day and because of the kid. 

“God, I can still see his eyes. So full of fear. Full of  _ acceptance.  _ Acceptance that he knew he would let half the universe breath even though he wouldn’t be able to anymore. He knew he was gonna die, Steve, and he accepted it.” 

______________________________________________________________________

_ Peter was alone. He was alone and scared and in the middle of one of the biggest battles in probably ever. (Peter was secretly thanking Mister Stark for putting in instant kill mode).  _

_ He didn’t know half of what was going on. All he knew was Thanos was back and he was trying to kill all of the universe this time, not just half, and make a new “world”. He had been gone for five years and already he was trying to save the world again. Can’t he just get a break. _

_ He literally just got back and Mister Stark had to say his “welcome back” in the middle of the battle field. Not really the reunion he would have liked but he wasn’t complaining. He had been gone for five years, even though for him it felt like five minutes, so he was just as excited to say hello again as Mister Stark was. He had gotten a hug from the man to which was a bonus, and he had gotten a quick update. _

  
  


_ (“God I missed you, kid” _

_ “I know, and I’m sorry- _

_ “Never say sorry again, I don’t think my heart could take it” _

_ “S- ok. What I miss” _

_ “Oh you know a lot. Me and Pepper got married and had a daughter named Morgan- _

_ “Wait what?!” _

_ “Yeah I know, and I’d love for you to meet her but we’re kinda in the middle of something here. So how about you promise me to make it out alive this time? _

_ “Promise”) _

_ He was fighting a bunch of these weird alien things when he saw it. He heard a thump next to him and saw-  _

_ The Gauntlet on the ground, left forgotten. _

_ He looked up to see the glowing lady that had gotten the gauntlet from him in the first place - he didn’t get her name - was on the ground and Thanos was trying to beat her up and failing. He couldn’t just leave the Gauntlet on the ground unprotected. So he fought off the last alien and web the Gauntlet to him, making sure it was all in one piece and all the stones where there. But they weren’t. He was missing a stone, the purple one. _

_ Before he could process what was happening the purple infinity stone was floating in Thanos’ hand and he used its powers to knock the glowing lady down. She was down and wasn’t getting back up.  _

_ Before Thanos could even think twice, a web shoot across his vision and landed on the power stone, stealing it from his hands.  _

_ The stone hovered above Peters hand and he started at it in awe, before it floated back into place in the Gauntlet, making it complete again.  _

_ He looked up and saw Thanos looked shocked for a second before he was running over to him, the most deadly look in his eyes Peter has ever seen. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Thanos was getting closer to him. He looked everywhere for someone. For someone to help him, for someone to tell him what to do. But everyone was too busy either fighting or where… dead.  _

_ But that’s when he look to his right and Mister Stark fight off one last bad guy and turned around to face him. He took one good look at Peter and his eye immediately fill with fear. Peter saw the dread in his eyes and the horror when he saw Thanos getting closer and closer to him. Peter knew what Tony was trying to say to him. Something along the lines of “Toss the Gauntlet over here Peter or I swear to god- I’ll be fine just give it to me.” But Peter knew he wouldn't be fine. This thing held more power than anything else in the universe, no mortal could use this and survive it. Peter knew what Tony was going to do with it, and he couldn’t let that happen. _

_ Peter couldn’t let Tony die. He had a family. A wife and a daughter that he’s supposed to raise. He can’t let Tony’s daughter grow up without her dad. She needed Tony to be the hero that survived the war, not the one that died during it. He couldn’t let Tony die, he couldn’t let Pepper leave here without her husband, or have Morgan grow up without her dad.  _

_ So before he could think, before Thanos got to close, he slid the gauntlet on. _

_ His whole left side burned with a fire that was hotter than the sun. He could feel the scream leave his throat before he heard it. Everything hurt, it felt like he was on fire. He could literally feel the power this thing, make its way through his body. He could hear the quiet scream of “Peter no!” to his right and the sound of feet running towards him.  _

_ He looked up and saw Thanos stare at him, a look of fear on his face. Good.  _

_ He raised the hand that had the gauntlet on in the air, no matter how much his arm was screaming at him to take it off. Takeitofftakeitofftakeitoff _

_ He took a deep breath and looked at Thanos straight in the eye. He wanted him to feel what he, and half of the universes population had felt.  _

_ “Here’s a taste of your own medicine”  _

_ And with that, he snapped his fingers and his world whited out. _

_ ______________________________________________________________________ _

Steve and Tony where silent for a second, both to lost in thought to say anything. A tear,  _ a single tear _ , dripped down Tony's face. 

“Tony I-” Steve didn’t know what to say, he really didn’t. He thought back at that exact moment. Where an alien he had been fighting turned to dust right before his very eyes. He remembers looking around and feeling happy, feeling so  _ God damn happy _ because they had just won. Then he remembers seeing Rhodey and Pepper and Tony all gathered around a rock crying. He remembers going over to see what was wrong. He’ll never get the image of when he saw Peter out of his head now.

“I’m so sorry” was what he settled on, and he mentally slapped himself for it. He bet Tony was tired of apologies after today. 

But Tony laughed. It was a teary and sad laugh and it made Steve’s heart hurt. He never heard a laugh that  _ sad _ before. 

“You know what I find so fucking hilarious” Tony said bitterly as he looked at Steve, eyes red and tears rolling down his face. “Was that the last thing the kid said to me the two times I had to watch him die was… ``I'm sorry”

______________________________________________________________________

_ Peter doesn’t know how to feel right now. When the world faded back in all he could feel was the aching burning in his left side and a little bit of nausea. Now he just feels dizzy and nothing seems to focus.  _

_ He tried to walk. Walk away and get someone- anyone to help him because he could feel the life being drained out of him and it made him feel weird. His legs seemed to stop working because before he could even make two steps, he was using a piece of concrete for support. He felt so tired, just wanted to close his eyes and rest a little. Just for a bit. _

_ He fell to the ground, leaning his back up against the concrete and letting it support him. Why was he so tired? He could hear the cheers of victory all around him. They won, hadn’t they? Then why does it feel like he is losing? His whole left side was now numb, almost like it isn’t even there. _

_ The distance - but getting closer - hum of something that’s on the tip of his tongue fills his ears before a blur of blue and silver cross his vision. The blur getting closer until it’s right next to him. _

_ “Peter” he can hear the blur say. He knows that voice. Why can’t he find a name to that voice?  _

_ He watches the blur’s facial expressions turn from fear, to sadness in almost an instant, talking to something behind it before it looks down and gets up, another blob of a darker blue comes into focus.  _

_ “Hey there, kid” the nice, warm voice says and he knows that he likes that voice. It reminds him of someone important to him, but he can’t put his finger on it. His aunt, maybe? What was her name? _

  
  


_ The only things he is able to reply is a groan of pain. The burning coming back for a second before leaving again. He really wants to sleep now. A little nap wouldn’t hurt, right? _

_ “I know, Peter, but you did so good out there. Really saved the day” the warm voice said, but it cracked at the end. Why was the voice sad? _

_ The sound of another metal things hitting the ground comes to his ears and he can see the faint outline of a man, blurred with red and gold. OK now where has he seen that? He knows he has seen that figure somewhere before. _

_ The warm voice sighs and says something that falls deaf on his ears before it moves away from him. Why did the warm voice have to go? He liked that voice. _

_ Suddenly something was grabbing his right arm making his head roll towards it. When had he stopped look that way?  _

_ The blur of red and gold was in his line of vision and he could barely make out the tears rolling down its face. Why was it crying? They had won hadn’t they? _

_ “Peter? Peter can you hear me?” He knew that voice. HeknewitHeknewitHeknewit. _

_ “T..on..y” he whispered. _

_ “Yeah Pete, yeah it’s me” _

_ He smiled at that. He felt safe with Mister Stark. He knew Mister Stark. He wasn’t just another blob in the sea filled with color and sound. But he still didn’t understand why he was sad. _

_ “Look at you, Peter. I bring you back and you're already leaving again. You know I brought back half the universe for you, I was expecting you to stay longer than 10 seconds.” Tony laugh a little at that. _

_ His smile faded when he heard Tony’s laugh turn into some sort of sob. The grip on his arm becoming tighter.  _

_ “Why’d you do it Pete? You knew what would happen. Why would you do that?”  _

_ Peter knew Tony knew the answer and Tony knew he knew it too, but he was too scared to admit it. That the reason Peter died was so he didn’t.  _

_ “I’m...so..ry” Tony shook his head at that.  _

_ “You know when I tell Ned and that scary girl you have a crush on what you did, they will bring you back just to kill you again.”  _

_ Peter smile returned at the mentions of his friends. Did they get dusted? Have they been living in a world for five years where half the universe died? If they had have they forgotten about him? Or where they on the bad end of Thanos’ lottery?  _

_ “Peter. Look at me” When had he stopped looking at Tony? And why was he so tired? _

_ “You can rest now. I’ll take care of them and Queens for you. You did your time Spider-man. You deserve to rest” _

_ Peter wanted to rest so bad, and knowing that his family and home was safe in the hands of iron-man made the decision a little easier. He let his eyes slip shut, not knowing he would never open them again. _

_ ______________________________________________________________________ _

  
  


As Tony finished, as he let the tears pass his eyes and down his cheeks, to numb to even notice, and as Steve put a hand on his shoulder for a form of comfort, he knew he would never be fully ok. The kid that sacrificed to damn much had chipped away the armor around Tony's heart from the beginning, and having to come to terms that he was gone was one of the most painful things Tony had felt.

He can’t help but feel like he failed Peter in some way. He had to watch him die twice, and he feels like he could have stopped it both times. Strange said there was only one way they would win, and this was it. The death of a light that should have not gone out so soon, and Tony doesn't know if it was all worth it in the end. 

As he looked out to the night sky, he could see all the stars in the sky, until he notices one that was brighter than the others. He just knew it was Peter, because know matter in life or death, that kid could brighten up even the darkest souls. Was the brightest thing in such a dark universe. Tony should know, he has seen first hand at what that light of a kid could do - and damn would Tony do anything to get that light back. 

_ “I feel like that’s on me” _

**Author's Note:**

> lol yeah that was a mess. I miss my irondad and spideyson with everything in me. ALSO FUCK SONY AND DISNEY.


End file.
